Goals

"When You Want to Be Really, Truly Happy

When it comes to motivation, all roads don’t actually lead to Rome. Not all goals give you the life filled with satisfaction and well-being that we’re all looking for, even if you achieve them. Most people assume that, when it comes to happiness, being successful is all that matters. In truth, there are boatloads of very successful, very unhappy people all around us. That’s because they have successfully pursued goals that don’t actually fulfill their basic needs as human beings – the needs for relatedness, competence, and autonomy.

Remember that we satisfy our need for relatedness by choosing goals that are about creating and nurturing relationships with others, while we satisfy our need for competence by pursuing goals that focus on personal growth. Your sense of autonomy will be enhanced every time you pursue a goal that you choose, because it speaks to something about you – your interests, your abilities, or the values you cherish.

Goals to avoid are those that we pursue to receive validation from others, like seeking fame, prestige, or great wealth. Anytime you’re allowing someone else or something else to determine your own sense of self-worth, that’s a bad idea. Even if you achieve these goals, your happiness will be fleeting because your true needs will remain unmet. In fact, they tend to make us even more miserable because they keep us too preoccupied to pursue the goals we really ought to be pursuing."

-Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D., Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals, p. 136-137.