10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling at My Kids Posted: 03/23/2013 4:57 pm January 20, 2012. I will never forget that date. Thinking I was home alone with my four boys, then ages 5 and under, my handyman caught me in a full on, red in the face, body shaking, throat throbbing scream so bad that all my boys burst into tears. I was mortified. Mortified! And so sad; this was not the mom I had ever dreamed I would be! The next day I decided enough was enough and I promised my boys I would go 365 days straight without yelling. Soon thereafter I discovered that rhinos are calm animals that charge when provoked; I was so a rhino (I even have lots of stretch marks and saggy body parts to prove it.) I just charged with my words instead of a horn. I quickly started calling myself The Orange Rhino as a reminder to no longer yell, but instead to be calm like a rhino and warm like the color orange. I proudly share that I am officially an Orange Rhino! I haven't charged ...
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Very important read for parents.... " It is now well accepted that physical discipline is not only less effective than other non-coercive methods, it is more harmful than has often been understood — and not just to children. A review of two decades worth of studies has shown that corporal punishment is associated with antisocial behavior and aggression in children, and later in life is linked to depression, unhappiness, anxiety, drug and alcohol use and psychological maladjustment. Beyond beating, parents can also hurt children by humiliating them, labeling them in harmful ways (“Why are you so stupid?”), or continually criticizing their behavior." " The essence of the research is that children do best when they receive calm and consistent feedback and assertive discipline that’s based on reasonable expectations – with significantly more encouragement and positive feedback than criticism. “The main mistake parents make is forgetting the importance of ...
"It’s foolhardy to try to persuade people to see the profound errors of their ways in the hope that mental change will lead to behavioral change. Instead, try to change superficial behavior first and hope that, if they act differently, they’ll eventually think differently. Lure people toward success with the promise of admiration instead of trying to punish failure with criticism. Positive rewards are more powerful. I happen to cover a field — politics — in which people are perpetually bellowing at each other to be better. They’re always issuing the political version of the Crews Missile. It’s a lousy leadership model. Don’t try to bludgeon bad behavior. Change the underlying context. Change the behavior triggers. Displace bad behavior with different good behavior. Be oblique. Redirect." Read more here.... http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/27/opinion/brooks-how-people-change.html?pagewanted=all
" The process within our brains that creates habits is a three-step loop. First, there is a cue, a trigger that tells your brain to go into automatic mode and which habit to use. Then there is the routine, which can be physical or mental or emotional. Finally, there is a reward, which helps your brain figure out if this particular loop is worth remembering for the future. Over time, this loop — cue, routine, reward; cue, routine, reward — becomes more and more automatic. The cue and reward become neurologically intertwined until a sense of craving emerges. What’s unique about cues and rewards, however, is how subtle they can be. Neurological studies like the ones in Graybiel’s lab have revealed that some cues span just milliseconds. And rewards can range from the obvious (like the sugar rush that a morning doughnut habit provides) to the infinitesimal (like the barely noticeable — but measurable — sense of relief the brain experiences after successfully navigating the driveway). ...